I hate looking at myself Naked

Transcript

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What's going on, beautiful people? It is the CFG, and welcome to another episode of the Confident Fat Guy Podcast. Before we get started on today's episode, you know I gotta thank my sponsors, RiseEle Coaching and Aaron5 News. RiseEle Coaching offers strength, nutrition, and workouts for busy professionals without crash or burnout. You can contact Kai at RiseEliteCoing Outlook.com. You can also follow RiseEleCoaching on Instagram, and you can also follow Kai on TikTok. And Aaron5 News. Aaron5News is your number one social media source for news in Indiana. Like I've told you many times, I cannot talk enough about Aaron. He's a great kid and he's doing something special. Go to Facebook and friend request Aaron Glunt and follow Aaron Five News on Facebook. What does Aaron Five News offer? Free advertising for businesses and monthly shout-outs. Go to Facebook, follow Aaron Five News, and also Friend Request Aaron Glunt. And Ashley Aldridge, thank you so much for supporting the Confident Fat Guy podcast. If you would like to support the podcast, it's$3 a month, or whatever you feel comfortable to donate, or if you want to sponsor, it's$10 a month. You can go anywhere that you're listening to the podcast and hit support the channel. It's greatly appreciated. And you will get a shout-out on all episodes of the Convert Fat Guy podcast and a monthly shout-out on all my social medias. Now, before we get started, I don't know if I have any gym rats or fitness people on here, but I'm probably gonna get a lot of crap. And that's fine. You know, it's part deserved. You know, the CFG is always promoting positivity and confidence, and I'm struggling with that so bad. As you all know, I did get into a relationship, and it's it's embarrassing for me to even talk about this, but sometimes I cannot stand the sight of me being naked, and it took a few weeks for me and my girlfriend to be intimate because I didn't want her to see me naked, and I'm having a hard time with it to the point where I've been in tears thinking about it because she's beautiful. Like, if you go on to any of my social media pages, you'll see her. She's drop dead gorgeous, and she deserves a better version of me, even though she completely is in love with me, and she shows it, and she doesn't care about my weight and all that stuff. I do, and it's my fault. You know, I'm gonna get a lot of backlash, like, you know, go to the gym, get on a diet. Yes, I've been in and out of the gym for 10 years. I used to train to be a power lifter until I got hurt. My diet was okay. I was losing weight on it, but I lack motivation. And when I do get a good momentum going, I will go to the gas station and I'll slip and I'll buy a pop. Or, you know, if I don't want to cook, I'll order DoorDash at work. I'm just so tired all the time because of my work schedule that when I'm not at work, I just want to sleep, or I I have other things to do, like pay bills and take care of my child. And it it it is. It is absolutely my fault, and I know I'm gonna be called lazy and all that, and that's fine. You know, that doesn't bug me. What bugs me is that I know that I can have the body that I want, but it's the hard part is not being so tired and unmotivated. And I know I'm gonna say this again, I'm gonna get a lot of crap from fitness people, and that's totally fine. Absolutely, you know, I promote positivity, and I'm pretty around a positive guy. I don't let too many things bug me, but now being in a relationship, it's like gross. Like she has to see this, and I'm not saying I'm 250 pounds, you know. I lost a lot of muscle when I got hurt because I was out for three to four months, I couldn't go to the gym, and then, you know, when I was able to, I couldn't get back into my normal routine. And I've been single for 11 years, so I really didn't care. It's a okay, let me rephrase this. It's not that I didn't care about my appearance, my appearance, but I didn't care what other people thought. It was just me and my son. I had no one else to worry about, you know, I wasn't intimate with anybody, and now I'm struggling, and again, it took a couple weeks for me to be intimate with my girlfriend because of how ashamed and how disgusted I am with my own body. You know, I love making people happy, I love joking around, and I always joke about my weight and the size of my manhood. It's just funny to me. And I've done this for a few weeks, and she finally asked me, Why do I do that? I didn't want to tell her the truth, but I finally did. Me joking around about my weight and the size of my manhood takes away the pain. And I know this discredits everything that the CFG is all about, but I struggle to take my own advice. I'm more of a people, I'm more of a I like to help people more than I like to help myself. And if I can make other people realize, you know, getting through my mistakes, I still have my moments. I still have the fears and the doubts. It's not all the time, but they're still there. And I know there's people that listen that maybe are overweight or you know, they're struggling with the same thing that I am. It's hard. It is hard to walk around with a beautiful, beautiful woman, and I think that I look like an eyesore, and it sucks. And last night I was talking to her on the phone and I broke down in tears because I don't like sometimes I do not like the way I look, sometimes I just don't care. But now since I have Lindsay, like it's it's shit, you know. Now it's really time you gotta do something. And she tells me all the time, you're not fat, babe, stop talking like that. You know, I'm perfectly fine with your manhood, blah blah blah blah. But that's not me. That's that's not my mindset, that's not how my mind works. You might see something different, but I look in the mirror and I see somebody you don't deserve, and she thinks the same way, you know. I tell her she's gorgeous all the time, and she has the same mindset. No, I'm not, blah, blah, blah, blah. So, I mean, that's a give and take. But yeah, I'm struggling. I am definitely riding the struggle bus, and I don't. I don't like looking at myself naked, and I don't like my girlfriend to see me naked, and it sucks. It really, really sucks, and it's my fault, you know. If I would just take an hour of my day in the morning and go to the gym and make sure I stick to my diet, but I am just so damn tired all the time with the way my schedule's been lately, that's all I want to do is sleep. I it it's rough for me to even talk about. It's uh it sucks. I'm not gonna lie. And I I hope there's people out there that are listening to this and are going through the same thing, and to know that you're not alone because you know what, the CFG still struggles, and the CFG still goes through emotions, and I look at my podcast as my therapy sh session, I look at my podcast as my diary. You know, yeah, hundreds of people are gonna listen, but it just sucks. And I need to get out of this mindset somehow. I need to practice what I preach, which sometimes is hard for me. I preach better than I practice because I know what I go through, and I know other people go through the same damn thing, and I know how I've what I've done to fix it, and that's why I created the confident fat guy podcast. But when I struggle, especially about my weight, yes, I understand. I am the confident fat guy, and I still am. But there are days where I'm just not that confident, and when I was single, it wasn't a big deal because I didn't care. I didn't care what other people thought of me, but now you know I have a partner and now I care. And now all these emotions and feelings are coming, and it it sucks. It really, really sucks. I don't know. It's I hate these feelings, I hate feeling like I'm a different person now. I hate that I'm not I'm still happy, don't get me wrong, like Lindsay makes me happier than ever. It's just now the things that I were confident about and the things that didn't bother me before Lindsay are starting to bother me, and I don't like it, and it I don't know. I'm trying. All I know is I'm trying. I just need to get back on track, I need to figure out my schedule, I need to get it out of my head that I do I am deservant of her, and I've told her, like, I am not worthy of you, like she's a godsend, like she is incredibly beautiful, she's incredibly caring, and she really does love me for me, but it's hard for me to see that. It's hard for me to believe what she says because I look in the mirror and I see something completely different than what she does, and it's hard for me to get it in my head that I'm okay and that's what I need to do. I I think I'm overthinking things, and she's told me that, and I could probably agree, you know, but I don't know. I just wanted to get on here and share that and let you know that the CFG is definitely on the struggle bus. Definitely. Yesterday we had a great night. She got off work, and you know, I'm off on Mondays and Tuesdays. We took my son and her daughter, and we went and rode go-karts and played putt-putt, and we had dinner, which I love her kids. Her kids are amazing. We had a really damn good time, and it's those times that I don't worry about things. It's the intimate part where I start to get in my head, and I don't want to take my clothes off, and I don't want her to see me, and it's hard. Like, it's very hard because she gives me hints. Come on, let's go, you know, we're kid free, or hey, we've got 10 minutes, and I'm like, oh, I just want to hold you, you know, because I don't want to see I don't want her to see me naked. I mean, it gets to the point where it happens, but it's at first it's hard for me. It is hard for me to get naked in front of her. And I know this probably isn't an episode that people want to hear, but the reason why I'm doing it is because I think other people struggle with that too. If you have a partner that you think is a goddess, or if you have a man that you think is the sexiest thing in the world, but you have different opinions about yourself. That's why I'm doing this episode, you know, because I I probably think there's other people out there struggling with the same damn thing. But you will get through it. I will get through it. I just need to get out of my head, and honestly, I need to stop being fucking lazy, and I need to take an hour out of my day and go back to the damn gym and get back on my diet. Because I've done nothing but sleep, and all the 12-hour shifts I pull. I don't want to cook. DoorDash is so easy. You know, I yeah, just bring the hate. I I know it's gonna happen. So thank you guys for joining me. Um this episode is not easy. It is not easy at all for me because I still struggle to share stuff, especially something like this. But it's like I said, this is my diary, this is my journal. So I'm still working on it, especially in one days that I struggle because the CFD the CFG still does. But thank you so much for joining me. Thank you to my supporters, thank you, thank you to my sponsors. You can follow me on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook. If you want to contact me, you can contact me on Facebook, TikTok, and Instagram, or you can email me at confidentfatguy.com or at yahoo.com. I'm sorry. You know, email me, message me. How do you get through days like this? How do you get through, you know, the day that you struggle? Because anytime I struggle with something else, I can get through it. Because I've been there so many times that I know how to get through it, but not dating somebody for 11 years, and then boom, you meet somebody and the intimacy starts. Yes, it is it's rough. So thank you again for joining me. Thank you for letting me ramble. Thank you for all the downloads. I think I'm at like a 816. It's much appreciated. Tell your friends, share me out, share the podcast, share my social medias. Remember, you can follow the confident fat guy on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. And if again, if you would like to be a supporter or a sponsor, wherever you're listening to this, click support page. You will get a shout out on all my social medias, and you'll get a spot on every episode of the Confident Fat Guy podcast. I will see you guys next week for an all-new episode. And I hope you guys have a beautiful week. Remember, work hard, stay positive, love yourself, love each other, conquer your dreams, and crush your goals. I love you all. Thank you so much.